It lives.
That's right, I'm not dead, and I'm back with a vengeance (READ: really, REALLY ass-long entry) so be prepared.



HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
Here is me doing my impression of the book. *ahem*
HARRY: "Dumbledore I am so in love with you like a lot." DUMBLY: "Okay let's mack it I mean oops Snape just killed me but I hope you will go on without me okays?" HARRY: "NOOOOOOO. Okay." NEVILLE: "I'm not actually in this book."

I've managed to somehow ween myself from the internet to a great degree, so I've missed a lot of the bitching, raving, and altogether tremendous wank that HBP has apparently produced. So before I seek that stuff out and have a nice hearty chuckle, I've given myself a cool-down period, and now I'm going to do my own fair amount of shouting. You'll know it's shouting because I am going to use A LOT OF CAPITALS. That's RIGHT. YOU HEARD ME.

Summary of my feelings after HBP: I think things started going downhill after "WON-WON". Or maybe "THE BOY WHO SCORED". Or "WOW TOM RIDDLE IS SO HANDSOME. HANDSOME HANDSOME HANDSOME." Have some lists. They'll break down for you exactly why I thought this book was PUNK ASS.

Stuff I liked:
==Harry called Goyle pretty. Tee-hee.

Stuff that didn't make me want to puke:
==Oddly enough, Harry was more palatable this time around, even though he's back from emo-bitch-slut-whore to "I HAVE NO PERSONALITY"-bitch-slut-whore. He is by all means the golden child I will probably grow to resent pretty soon, but for now, I'm okay with him. He actually said, "YES I WILL TELL DUMBLEDORE", which made me dance a little bit, but only a little. Okay maybe a lot.
==Snape has girly handwriting, haahahahaha.
==Draco cried, what a bitch, hahahhahaha. I love him.

Stuff that made me want to puke:
==Fleur was far and away my favorite female character. :(
==Hey. Remember OotP? And when like, SIRIUS DIED? DOES ANYBODY STILL CARE ABOUT THAT AT ALL? We're pushed along to believe that Tonks of all people at least had the decency and emotional capacity to mope, but then WHAM, "Oh I'm not really sad, I just wanted to mack it with the werewolf!" Tonks is Sirius' cousin, though. And Lupin is one crazy little bastard.
==Was I really reading the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series? Or fanfiction crapped out by fourth grade girls? HARRY: "RAWR BEASTY LIVES IN MY CHEST AND I NEED TO LICK GINNY!" *cries*
==Ron and Hermione are never going to mack it. Not that I particularly WANT them to, but... Maybe this is in the wrong list.
==How the mighty have fallen. I remember when Dumbledore did this thing, you know, it was called KICKING A LOT OF ASS. We KNEW he had to die, fine, but why did he have to die some enfeebled, wrinkly, sad, crying, lameo, crazy people nursing home entree candidate? And wow, JK, once again you demonstrate your amazing capacity to write some fabulously unaffecting death scenes! I think this one might've hit me a little harder if everyone wasn't trying to get into everyone else's pants three seconds after Dumbledore died. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, WEASLEY FAMILY.
==Complete lack of mention for a lot of characters I really enjoy (Sirius, Lupin, Hagrid, Neville, the twins [*snort*]) and through that, almost total lack of humor.
==GUYS STOP DRINKING. MAYBE THAT'S WHY DUMBLY DIED BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL HOOKED ON THE BOTTLE, YOU BIG LOSERS.

The things I guess we've all figured out:
==Snape's so not really evil, I don't even see a need to go into this one.
==RAB is probably Regulus, based on so many things (Sirius and co. find an old locket in OotP, Regulus being ex-death eater, Uncle Alphador, blah blah). This makes me ecstatic. I adore Regulus now and all I know about him is his name.

My remaining questions:
==Was this book for real?
==Does the veil mean anything at freaking all?
==What was with Dumbly saying everything was his fault post drink from the crazy glowing retarded potion?
==Why the eff is Harry's eye color still important? Does this have something to do with Horcruxes? Along with the evil crazy twinkle in Dumbledore's eye at the end of GoF?
==Does JK hate me personally or just all of us in general?

Okay, it really wasn't THAT terrible, but I certainly didn't like it anywhere near as much as PoA, OotP, and GoF, I THINK in that order. Maybe.


Altar Boyz:
I know nobody cares, but I DO. OH WELL. Here, I'll make it worth your while. Below you will find one Mister Scott Porter, "Matthew" in Altar Boyz.



I know, right? Well too bad because I'm marrying him first. Long story short, he asked Heather and I, "Do I need to bring back your tupperware?" THAT'S RIGHT. I'd like to know how many times in her life the average girl is engaged in a conversation about tupperware with a boy that attractive. Not a lot, I think, because it was a first for me.

We baked him cupcakes for his birthday and he happily told us that he was going to eat them in the movie theater - he was going to go see the Fantastic 4. We also bought him ninja toys which he was very very excited about, ("WHOA! NINJA MASTER! YES! THESE ARE GOING TO BE SO AWESOME!"), and a Hulk CD aimed at 8 year olds (actual track on CD: "Hulk is Having a Party"). So he's not SMART, but he's CUTE and it's all OKAY because he gives swell HUGS. Other highlights of our 8th viewing experience: Understudy Kevin coming over to me with a hug to introduce himself to me because "we haven't had a chance to meet yet", yes, Heather and I hang around that damn much. Abraham really enjoying the "ABE IS KOSHER" t-shirt. And getting to make fun of him for messing up a lot because he loves it. Going from wanting to murder Danny, the new "Mark", to deciding that FINE HE'S PRETTY CUTE, but he'd better step up the gay factor fast! T-shirt collaborating with Juan to produce brilliant results like "Abe's a babe" and "Luke 'till you puke".


Jason Mraz
Holy crap, I love Jason Mraz. I'm psyched for Wednesday. Luckily enough, the Boyz are making an appearance at the Licoln Square Barnes and Noble on Thursday, which is just too cool for words, two neato events back to back like that.


Soel & Larg
Have some Soel and Larg translations because I have no idea where else to put these. Warning: This book is pretty lame, but it's mildly informative. It's also long, so I will most likely be making a jillion of these posts. Also, I did not choose the crazy tense changing wackiness that is Mokona's narration, so don't blame me.

WAKING UP (Pgs. 9-12)
We open our eyes, and everything is really, really bright.

At first, everything is sort of blurry, but then we see a lady with long, black hair and a man with black hair and glasses standing in front of us.
Wait. Huh? How do we know that those things are called glasses, anyway?

"You two are Mokona = Modoki."

Mokona = Modoki.
Modoki?

"Yes. You were named after another creature, called 'Mokona', who came before you."

Mokona. What's that?

"He looks just like you. Maybe a little bit bigger."

A little bit bigger. Mokona.

"Shall we give the two of them their own names, as well?" says the man with the glasses.
"Yes. Let's," says the lady with long black hair.

Names.
We wonder what names they'll give us.

"The white one can be 'White Bun' and the black one can be 'Black Bun'. How's that?" says the lady.
"Hmm. I don't know, Yuuko."
"Oh? Excuse me, Clow, but are you implying that you have a problem with my naming sensibilities?"
"It's simply that there is power in a name. And we should give these two powerful names."

Power. Power? What's that?

"For your information, White Bun and Black Bun happen to be extremely powerful!" The lady sounds sort of upset.
"Mm, well. They do sound appetizing, that's for certain." The man with the glasses smiles.

"What do you think of 'Soel' and 'Larg'?"
"Names with very old magic, aren't they? I still think my idea is much better," says the lady. She doesn't look too happy.
"But your names aren't half-bad either." Then she smiles.
"Let's go ahead with the naming ceremony, then, shall we?"

"You are 'Mokona = Soel = Modoki'. And you are 'Mokona = Larg = Modoki'."

So the white one is Soel.
And the black one is Larg.

"We're very pleased to meet you."

Yeah! Us too!


A PRESENT (Pgs. 13-16)
The very next day, the two of them are smiling at us.

One is the lady with long, black hair, Yuuko.
The other is the man with the glasses, Clow.

Mm hmm. We know their names already.
Yuuko and Clow.
They're holding two small things in their hands. One is gold, with a red stone attached to it, and one is silver, with a blue stone.

What're those?

"This is a magical stone," says Yuuko.
"This is a sealing stone," says Clow.

Magic? Sealing?
What's that?

"Don't worry. You don't need to understand just yet."
Really, Yuuko?
"When the time comes for you to use them, you'll know just how to do it."
Really, Clow?

They put them on our ears.
It tickles!

"Hold still, now."
But it tickles!
"You two seem to be enjoying yourselves."
Yeah! We're having lot's of fun!

Ooh, can we take these off and play with them?
"No. Those are both going to be very important later."
Okaaay!

So Soel has the red stone.
And Larg has the blue one.

Just like the ones we have on our foreheads!

"Do you like them?"
Yes. Very much.

Thank you, Yuuko and Clow.
We're really, really happy!

These are our very first presents!


RED AND BLUE (Pgs. 17-21)
Now we have red and blue earrings.

Look, look! Something's written on them!
Oh, you're right. Something's written on them.

What does it say?
It looks kinda like a magical symbol or something.

A symbol? What for? What does it mean?
I know! Let's ask Yuuko and Clow.

Yuuko, Yuuko!
"What is it, Soel?"
Clow, Clow!
"Yes, Larg?"

What's this stuff that's written on our earrings?
"That's a kind of magical writing."
Magic? These funny symbols?
"Each of those characters has it's own special meaning. And the ones on your earrings are especially powerful."

Power.
You said the same thing when you named us, too.
"That's right. And one day, we're going to need that power of yours."
Yuuko picks me up and puts me in her lap.
"Yes.  In the future, two people are going to need you very much."
Clow picks me up and puts me in his lap.

Really?

"Actually, it's more like four people, isn't it?"
Oh! Yuuko pets me. It's really nice. I feel so happy.
"Right you are."
Oh! Clow pets me. It's really nice. I feel so happy.

Two people. Or actually, four people.
We can't wait to meet them!

But for now, we just want to stay here while they pet us.

"Oh, my, is it noon already? Clow, break out that precious sake of yours that you mentioned earlier, would you?"
"You mean to start drinking at this hour? How admirably masculine of you, Yuuko! As usual."
"It's practically lunchtime already. And besides, it tastes so good, why wait? Go wake up Yue and Kerberos; they can have some, too."
"You know that Yue won't drink anything."
"The wet blanket can still enjoy our company! And Kerberos will have some, won't he?"
"A little, maybe. But you know he prefers sweet things."
"Then you can drink their share, Clow. As punishment."
"Punishment? For what?"
"I'm only kidding! Now let's get the sake flowing! You Mokonas can have some, too!"

Yay!
Let's have a drink!
We hop out of Yuuko and Clow's laps.

Our earrings sparkle and clink as we go.


LET'S MAKE SOMETHING (Pgs. 22-26)
Yuuko and Clow live in two different houses.

Us Mokonas live in Yuuko's house.
Soel and Larg, both of us, together.
And sometimes, we go to Clow's house to play.

We like to take naps with Yue.
Or to chase after Kerberos.
Or to talk with Clow and Yuuko.
Clow teaches us lots of things in the nicest voice.
"Soel, Larg, the two of you can both do very different things, and so you'll have to learn different things, as well."

Oh, really?
What can Soel do?
What can Larg do?

"We'll be showing you, little by little," Yuuko answers, smiling.
Okay!
We'll try our hardest!

"We'll start your lessons tomorrow."
So for today, can we play some more?
"Go right ahead. But don't do anything dangerous, all right?"

Okaaay!
Let's go play! Let's go play together!

Oh, I know!
Let's go to Clow's room!
Clow's always making lots of different things in there.

Why don't we make something?
Something to give to Clow and Yuuko!

A present. Like our earrings!
They were presents for us.

Soel and Larg will give them something in return.

But what should we give them?

It should be pretty.
It should be a pretty color.
And it should make a pretty sound.

Something pretty.

We'll make it for them.
Together.

And then we'll give it to them.
We hope they'll like it!
---------------
What is the present!? Find out next time, because this is so mind-numbing to type (and probably read) that I have to stop right here at this THRILLING CLIFFHANGER. Savor the anticipation, boy s (Hi, Alex!) and girls.

Stay tuned for what I've been working on these past few days between watching episodes of Boy Meets World and Full House, namely scanlations of, possibly, Loveless (suck on that, everybody) and Data. Really. And tomorrow, honest to god, I'm going to post that Tsubasa fight ranking business.


And for the un-interested, a friendly bit of information in passing. I have got to be pregnant because I am hungry all the time and I don't know anybody else who's ever craved plums and anchovies in the same day.